Continuing from Pages 1 & 2–
a grain of mustard seed to have the strength to see that you need to do something to change your reality and stop abandoning me and attacking me for pointing out the truth I see that is not a logical fallacy though I often wish it was. If you won’t support the work of the people who dare to look through the peephole at the darkness and you forsake us and make us feel like trash for not fitting into your shortsighted plan and pressure us with a broken financial system to fall in line with settling for less than the best of us, then all your rationalizations and excuses are revealed as nothing but methods to use us and try to force us to be as mediocre as you’re used to since you have chosen to be less than your true worth with your yokes that fit okay on you but chafe our necks in your flea-bitten zoo, and if this is humanity’s legacy we are worse than the animals because they at least care for their young to some degree and don’t abandon them completely when a predator wants to kill them and eat their heart and leave them cold and rotting with no hope. It’s not even aggravating anymore, it’s just sad and pathetic that you refuse to heal your myopic mindset because you can’t be bothered to think about the future or view anything really except what’s on the TV tonight or your business or travel plans or needless family drama that kills the boredom you create by numbing your mind so you don’t think past your dinner plate to talk about things that matter, that can actually make things better – for you it seems a sin to even talk about changing anything, you like your delusion or at least you say so, but not many of you are truly happy in your confusion so what does that say about your authenticity or autonomy? If all I can get out of this life is short term happiness because the rest of you incarnates refuse to make a
target for a lasting magic healthy world of beauty, then what is the point truly and why not slip into depravity and die in the grave, letting my ideas and my DNA die with me because I wouldn’t want to return to the world of slavery you have forced on me in your selfish cruelty – that was probably your plan all along (and here comes the self-comforting shaming claiming I’m ungrateful for not loving a world full of torn bloody assholes) – if you all refuse to create a better world then you damn us all to an infinity of worthless crap and no peace or happiness, why would you want that? Is it not obvious you trap us because you won’t make a modicum of effort to tackle the things that cause us all suffering? All you need to do is talk and face what’s going on and stop running from everything challenging that doesn’t instantly make you money for your next morsel of table crumb scraps or your yacht or new jet if you’re a fortunate one – Are periodic vacations worth the price of a restless existence where bad shit keeps going on and on the same because you won’t face your brain or your bullshit and melt your heart and head together united to improve the weather on this planet so that as long as we’re on it we can actually enjoy it and enjoy ourselves, honoring the best in us and recognizing we are spirit and do not need to suffer endlessly in lack, if we just let go of fear, guilt, and regret and replace them with faith, hope, and action, providing rations to our elements who want to improve the human climate so we can have a day of sunshine and a hint of violet in rainbows because we’ve already paid the price of suffering agonies for the past four thousand years, and it’s time to stop forging excuses to hurt and be hurt by each other and to liberate benevolence and see if we can believe in a thing called love?
Or am I supposed to pretend I don’t see the travesties of this reality and our end, and live my life free in peace and forget the world and hope this somehow makes it a better place because I don’t give attention anymore to your disgrace, am I to be complacent and become a meditating monk guru in wooden shoes who chooses to do nothing at all and prays and has faith it will all work out? Have you seen how this path has worked out for the last two thousand years? It hasn’t the clout? So where is the trap of this reality, in indolent indifference or in caring about what you see? Why am I a witness to this heartless charade, this choice to do nothing or everything and not be content either way since neither does anything or solves anything, and you’ll claim it’s a necessary ring but that’s bullshit too, it’s a spiral and this reality is a launchpad into orbit, or it’s a torture chamber, I’m really not sure, but I’m not happy with the way things are, and I really don’t understand how you are… So how can I trust you when your laws haven’t worked so far to make things (far) better, and you can never explain to me why your way is not false, and I am so alone surrounded by no one who seems to care to actually improve humanity’s lot because they’re stuck in a rut and don’t wanna look up or I’m stuck in a box because I just wasn’t good enough to be good enough or to love out of fear or natural corruption, but again how can I test this when I can’t trust any of you when my life has been pain and you’ve never had an answer that checked out for why I feel so empty in this plane around your people and in your best Sunday churches when all I want is to feel content and loved but around you all I feel is discomfort and unrightness, that the world of this night is a torture that you work to keep me more unsure about because you hate me either because I’m different or flawed – good or bad, I don’t know, lawd.